Once upon a time, there was a bored person. By which, of course, I mean a board person. By which I mean a person who was made out of boards.
One day this person woke up. "Well, would you look at that?" she said. "I'm made out of wood!" She wondered what would happen next.
A dog came by and barked. "Hello, dog!" said the board person. "I haven't fed you yet today, have I?"
The person and the dog went downstairs. The person found it somewhat difficult to move in her new form, but she got used to it quickly. She got some food down from the shelf for the dog. "Canned mouse", she said. "This doesn't look like dog food."
Just then the feline in the next room came in and meowed.
"Ah, you must have heard me say 'mouse'!"
The cat mewed in confirmation.
"Here you go", said the board person, as she opened the can and poured some onto the cat's dish. The cat purred happily as she ate the food.
The board person then looked back at the shelf. "Hmm, what can I eat?" she asked herself. "I've never been a board before. What do boards eat?"
She looked at the can of dirt on the shelf. "Well, trees eat dirt, so maybe that's what I'm supposed to eat... but I'm not sure this looks appetizing to me. I wonder if there's anything else."
Since she couldn't find anything else in the house, she took out her skateboard and rode it to the nearest store.
Once she was inside the store, she realized, with horror, that it was a hardware store. Oh, no! she thought. There are all sorts of nasty nails and screws in here! I'm a pacifist! I wouldn't want people thinking that I'm buying such dangerous weapons, nor would I want to be around people who might use them on me!
Just then she overheard someone at the customer service desk complaining.
"For the last time", said the person working at the desk, "we do not sell computer games! Those are software, and we're only a hardware store!"
The board person looked around and realized that she had been mistaken in interpreting the sign. Rather than the type of hardware that might be used for projects of cruelty to wood, this store dealt entirely with computer hardware. Still, she could think of no use for computer hardware, when what she was really looking for was food. Therefore, she left.
Just then a parade came by. Not just any parade, though; the king and queen were there!
"Be careful! You wouldn't want the king and queen walking all over you, would you?"
"Hmph", said the board person. "Chess jokes. I'm tired of being a board! I just want to go home!" She rode her skateboard back home.
"Great, just great", said the board person once she got back home. "I'm a board, and now I don't have anything to eat either!"
"Bark", said the dog.
"Oh, right, and I forgot about you. Well, I don't have any food anyways for you. Not you, nor myself. At least the cat is fed."
"Bark", insisted the dog.
"Oh, bark! If I am what I eat, maybe I should eat some bark!"
As she went outside to find a tree with bark that she could eat, she noticed her mailbox. I wonder if there's any mail yet today, she thought.
There was. She looked at her bank statement. She had gained interest in her savings account! Suddenly she changed back into her ordinary human form, already dressed. "Yippee! I have interest!" she said, as she ran back inside and lived happily and interestingly ever after.