Terms and conditions for leaving a message

1 Definitions

For the purpose of this agreement:

The "Agreement" is this document.

An "Answering Machine" is any device that automatically answers a phone and records messages in order to play them back later. This includes both physical answering machines and services provided by the phone company (typically called "voice mail").

A "Telemarketer" is any person who calls telephone numbers with the intent of selling them something. As an exception, if the person being called has specifically requested the call, that does not make the person a telemarketer. Simply doing business with someone, expressing vague interest, being interested in a related product or service, or accidentally leaving a checkbox checked does not constitute "specifically requesting a call".

A "Robot" is any sort of device or computer program that can call numbers or send sound through a phone line, in ways other than the ordinary "Call the number the user says to call, then send the input from a microphone". For avoidance of doubt, address book or contact apps are typically not Robots.

A "Wrong Number" is a call that is intended for someone other than the owner of the number that was called.

A "Telephone" is a device for sending and receiving voice signals from other telephones.

"You" are the person calling the number.

"I" am the person whose number You are calling.

"The" indicates that The noun that follows it refers to something that The speaker presumes The listener knows.

2 Telemarketers

By calling this Telephone and leaving a message on The Answering Machine, you hereby agree that:

  1. You are not a Telemarketer
  2. You are not a Robot
  3. You are not using a Robot to make your Call.

3 Wrong Numbers

By calling this Telephone and leaving a message on The Answering Machine, you hereby agree that:

  1. If You make a Wrong Number call to Me, then You must make a reasonable effort to correct this mistake, at least in that You do not continue calling Me.
  2. If You make a Wrong Number call, then You are taking The risk that I may hear something intended for someone else.

4 dISCLAIMER OF wARRANTY

tHIS aNSWERING mACHINE IS PROVIDED TO yOU WITH NO WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, INCLUDING FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR THAT i'LL ACTUALLY LISTEN TO YOUR MESSAGE!!!

i ALSO DO NOT MAKE ANY GUARANTEES ABOUT tHE LEGAL VALIDITY OF ANYTHING IN THIS aGREEMENT!!!

cAPS LOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!!!!

5 Termination

EiTher party may terminate this Agreement at any time. If this Agreement is terminated, then you do not get to call me, and The requirements from sections 2, 3, and 4 still apply.