Once there was a solar system. In this solar system there were eight planets and many asteroids, planetoids, comets, and other similar objects.
"Hi, Venus", said Mercury, as they passed each other.
"Hi, Mercury", said Venus. "How are you?"
"It's a bit hot here", said Mercury. "Heard any news about Earth?"
"Nope", said Venus, and ze went on zir way.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the system, Neptune and Pluto were nearing each other.
"Hi, Pluto", said Neptune.
"What's wrong?" asked Neptune.
"You know perfectly well what's wrong, planet."
"Still upset about that, are you?"
"Why me?! Why did they decide to kick me out of their group? Why not, say... Earth?"
"Why are you always hating Earth?" asked Neptune.
"Because ze's weird. Ze never talks to anyone anymore, ze still thinks ze's the center of the universe, and if you look at zem closely..." (Pluto lowered zir voice to a whisper) "...ze glows. It's unnatural."
"Ze's been under a lot of stress", said Neptune, "and all planets appear to glow when they're facing the sun. And how do you know ze's still self-centered if ze hasn't talked to you?"
Just then Uranus came by. "Hey, Pluto!" ze said mockingly, "cleared your path of debris yet?"
"Shut up, fatty", said Pluto.
"Why you—" Uranus started to say, but Neptune interrupted.
"Hey—Uranus, stop taunting Pluto, and Pluto, there's no need for name-calling. So, anyway, about Earth?"
Pluto continued. "Yeah, the thing is, it's not just the side facing the sun—the side facing away also glows. It's like ze's trying to overthrow the sun and take its position. Not to mention, rumor has it ze's the one who got the sun to kick me out of the Order of the Planets."
"You're kidding!" said Neptune. "Earth was the one who got you in! Why do you think ze would want to kick you out?"
"I don't know", said Pluto. "Ze's so secretive. Maybe we could ask Mars." Ze sent a comet to Mars inquiring whether ze had any information.
The comet came back. "No", said the comet, "ze hasn't heard from Earth, but ze says that some sort of space fleas have jumped on zem from Earth and are crawling around, trying to suck zir blood."
"Tell zem to try talking to Earth again", said Neptune.
"Will do", said the comet.
After the comet relayed zir message, Mars said, "Come on, Earth, everyone wants to know what you're doing."
Earth opened zir mouth to speak, and—
I'm sorry. I can't continue writing this story. A previously unknown fault has opened up in the southern hemisphere, sending earthquakes all over the world. Scientists say there is an extremely odd loud noise emitting from the fault. The news channel won't give me any more information until 10:00.