Thank You

Prompt: Write a thank-you card to someone you love [Modification: made it fictional]

To whom it may concern:

Thank you! Thank you for the million dollars you gave me. It was the most wonderful thing since you sent me a Wii, an Xbox, a Playstation, a MacBook, an iPhone, and an electric toothbrush all in the same package. (The electric toothbrush stopped working, by the way—is it still under warranty?) Anyways, whoever you are—thank you. You and your generosity are greatly appreciated.

However, I do have one question: Who are you, and why are you sending me this stuff? While I appreciate the money, electronics, cars, precious metals, gift certificates, and coffee mugs you've sent, I can't help wondering – is this some trap? Does the Wii have an intentional short circuit that will make it explode when I turn it on? Are you trying to get a burglar to come into my house and steal my precious ring collection? Is the alarm you sent me set to always go off, even when I say the password correctly?

Still, I am grateful for your generosity, and I hope to someday find out who's doing this and why. In the meantime, here's the 50 cents I owe you, plus an extra dollar interest and thousand dollars because I have money to spare.