Prompt: the good news is... the bad news is...
The good news is I'm alive.
The bod news is my life is completely ruined.
The good news is I got a donut to cheer me up.
The bad news is it had peanuts. And I'm allergic.
The good news is, if I go to the hospital I can miss school.
The bad news is if I miss any more school I'll flunk.
The good news is if I flunk I won't have to go to college.
The bad news is everyone I know will be at college.
The good news is I have email.
The bad news is they don't.
The good news is I didn't like people that much anyways.
The bad news is humans have taken over the planet.
The good news is there's hope that could change.
The bad news is there's only one person who can change it.
The good news is that I'm that person.
The bad news is that I'm stuck here without any way out.
The good news is I have the internet.
The bad news is that the person in charge of Google turned evil and is trying to take over the world.
The good news is I can do something about it. Because I'm that person.
The bad news is that everyone already hates me.
The good news is I can censor their hate.
The bad news is that will make the problem worse.
The good news is I don't care anymore.
That's also the bad news.